I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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