i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
