You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
