There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
