Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
