i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
