she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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