I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
