I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry my hands just texted you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
