i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
