I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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