her vagine was all disorganized.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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