Yo dont text me then not text me
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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