It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Houston, we have a blender
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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