Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
