Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
