How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
