Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
