our cab driver is having phone sex.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
