She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
