Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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