My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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