you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
