i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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