hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
