i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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