Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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