I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
