Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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