I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
