i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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