On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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