This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
