her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
