His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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