White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
