I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
