my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
