you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
