Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
