I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize