just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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