i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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