She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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