she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
