Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
