does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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