Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize
