you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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