yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
now i know why i became what i already was.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
