____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
