so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
