During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize