i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
