I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
