i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
