I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
