New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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