Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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