Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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