it was like his penis was on wheels.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
