Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
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Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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