he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
