Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
