I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Randomize
