best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
