its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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