I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
no. you can't hotbox the world.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
