Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
