no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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