I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Randomize
