I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize