I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
