here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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