apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
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Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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