I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
