he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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