I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
