The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Houston, we have a squirter
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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