she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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