doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
