just come out here and I will go home with you...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
