her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
