I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
